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Cancer Has Taught Me To Be Kinder To Myself

Having cancer changes you and one of the things I’ve noticed is the impact it’s had on my approach to fitness. I’d always been quite hard on myself when it comes to exercise but cancer has taught me to be kinder to myself. Obviously when you’re going through treatment you’re limited to what you can do but I’ve now realised that a 5 minute walk is amazing…

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Half way through second year at university in Oxford my world changed. I was feeling tired, run down and actually pretty unfit whenever I was walking but because I was working and socialising a lot, I kind of put it down to that. I eventually went to the doctor about a lump in my neck but they put it down to stress. I persevered and was back and forth to the doctors for a while but it was only when things got worse and I developed more symptoms that I was referred for a scan. I’ve learned the hard way that it’s so important to advocate for yourself and keep talking to the health care professionals if you feel something isn’t right.

A mass on my chest had previously been attributed to a chest infection but now with other symptoms present I was given an ultrasound, biopsies, CT scans and so on. At that point I was still thinking it’s probably something like glandular fever so when I was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma it came as a complete shock. I was 19. One of the doctors actually said he was surprised I’d been managing to function for so long. I came out of university for a few months, returned home and underwent my treatment with the support of family and friends.

I’ve always been active – going to the gym and running – so it was frustrating to find myself struggling with exercise because cancer had set me back so much, especially at a young age. I was trying to exercise but I was in pain and was so fatigued. With cancer you lose trust in your body, you get angry at your body. I was trying to do some light weights at home but I felt I didn’t know my body any more. I was worried I might damage my body and I just felt like I needed some support. When I told my clinical nurse all this she referred me to the MOVE Programme for young people.

It was brilliant! I felt seen and I felt understood. Sometimes you feel like you’re making a fuss but here was someone (my cancer rehab instructor, Beth) who understood my needs and gave me confidence. She shared adaptable, flexible exercises and motivated me when things were difficult. I loved those exercises and continued to use them after the 8 week programme was finished.

It’s great to have moved to the next stage. I feel stronger in myself, I’m back at university (I’ve just submitted my dissertation!) and I’m enjoying exercising. I still have days when I struggle and progress is slow. I’ve joined the Whatsapp Community for young people who have been on the MOVE programme and want to continue having connection and support. It is SO lovely having this supportive community that understands. Last autumn I wanted to return to running but I was struggling a bit. Receiving advice and encouragement via the Whatsapp group has been amazing and it’s helped me on the tough days. The support from the community reminds me to be kind to myself and look at the progress I have made.

A goal I’ve set for myself is to run a half marathon with one of my friends. Little by little we’re gradually increasing how far we can run. I’d love to raise money for MOVE Against Cancer and give something back to the charity that has given me so much.

I really want this blog to be a message to say it is okay that everyone’s journey is different. It’s important not to compare or see your physical recovery as any less special if your progress looks different or slower to others, as the small steps are the amazing things. Be proud that you are moving your body again in whatever way that looks for you.